YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU 'DO'

Here’s my problem. I’m just realizing I cannot simply ‘be’, exist or sit still. These are all words I use to describe where God has me right now. Its difficult to write the words, “God has me” because deep down I find it hard to believe that God allows any of us to simply do nothing. We are made to be productive. We are made to do something, set goals, accomplish them, strive for greater things. We are called to serve one another, love one another, work hard, gain wealth (according to the world) and check items off the ‘to do list’ EVERY DAY. And so it goes, on and on and on and my anxiety level is through the roof. I think I even encouraged you to write goals in my last blog.
You see I’ve been employed since I was fifteen years old. There was no time off for raising children. I never had a husband completely support me. I’ve NEVER been unemployed for more than a month or two because I’ve always had rent or a mortgage to pay, usually on my own.
At the time of this writing, I’ve been unemployed/retired for eighteen months. Yes, in those eighteen months, I’ve finished and self-published a book, conducted two book signings, 3-5 speaking engagements and served in many areas at my church, BUT I’m not currently adding to the household income. So, am I a productive member of society if I’m not earning money? I guess that’s a standard I’ve had for myself.

Many women obtain part of their self-worth through motherhood. They feel a sense of accomplishment in that they brought life into the world (as they should). I don’t have that accomplishment to fall back on. I’m just realizing, I’m more like a lot of men who obtain self-worth through a career. My head and heart know I’m supposed to get my self-worth solely through my identity in Christ. I thought I did, but apparently, I need to remind myself regularly. Maybe this is my wake-up call.

I thank God for the career I’ve had. It’s been satisfying and a decent income too. However, my retired husband, just returned to full-time work and my feelings are all over the place and the enemy is using it to attack me. I’m feeling guilty, confused, useless and a little directionless.

When these feelings remain in my head, they seem overwhelming and as if they’re reality. But when they’re in front of me on paper, the falsehood becomes apparent. Let’s look at each of these feelings individually and shed God’s light of truth on them.
 
1) Guilt: well, that is an evil spirit that keeps us paralyzed. My husband doesn’t expect or even desire for me to go back to work. He prefers I take care of our home and concentrate on my ministry. Guilt is something NO child of God should accept. Guilt & Condemnation are weapons of the enemy. Conviction is VERY different and sometimes necessary, but the Holy Spirit will NEVER put guilt and condemnation on us. So, I rebuke that, in the name of Jesus.
2) Confused: If I stay busy without centering myself to spend quiet time with Jesus, then my mind will move in many different directions. Shalom – peace – spend quiet time with the Father.
3) Useless: This is a LIE from the pit of hell. God loves me and is using me on a daily basis. God is using my book to minister to those who read it and as I mentioned, I serve in many ways at my local church. I must remind myself I am not my own, but was purchased with a price so it is not I who live but Christ who lives in me, which means I am EXCEPTIONAL. Also, we are not what we DO. Our worth is found in Christ alone.

     Titus 3:4-6 (ASV) But when the kindness of God our Savior, and his love toward man, appeared, 5 not by works done in righteousness, which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy he saved us, through the [a]washing of regeneration [b]and renewing of the Holy Spirit, 6 which he poured out upon us richly, through Jesus Christ our Savior

4) Directionless: He will direct my path once I learn to center myself in spiritual reality and NOT listen to the lie(s) of the enemy.
        Prov. 16:9(ESV) The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
        Psalm 37:23(AKJV) The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

When we allow the lies of the enemy to remain in the dark recesses of our mind, they grow like tumors. When exposed to God’s light of truth, they can be revealed and healed. I am thankful I took time to get this out of my head. I was writing today as time spent with God and for processing my emotions, but I’m choosing to post as a blog, in hopes that if you possess similar feelings you will be encouraged. While striving for the call placed on our life is a good thing, do not let it be the ONLY thing. Do not think you are WHAT YOU DO. You are loved for who you are – made in the image of God.

If you take time with the Lord in prayer and in His word, you too can shed HIS merciful light on the lies of the enemy and reach TRUE FREEDOM AND REST THROUGH GOD’S LOVE! Let God be LORD OF OUR EMOTIONS today and every day! God bless you.
 
The image for this blog is a book I’m currently reading by the amazing, Mark Rutland, and a quote from it that really spoke to me. I hope you enjoy it too.